Here we go!

Here it is, my first entry. It's a little intimidating. I don't know why. I don't expect this to go anywhere, and I'll be surprised if people stumble upon this. So why should I even bother with a blog? Some days I have things I want to talk about and others I just need to vent, whine, throw a fit...basically act like any of my 3 kids. Then there are the days I sit in front of my computer, just staring, maybe I'll think about something. But my kids usually interrupt me too often to hold a thought. I figured if I'm going to just sit here I might as well get the thoughts out of my head. Here goes...I'm depressed. Most of the time I'm too busy to think about it and those feel like good days. I'm depressed about my looks. My housekeeping. My ability to be a good mom/wife. My cooking skills, budgeting inabilities, social awkwardness. I don't think too highly of myself and I don't know how to change that. Dealing with the day to day problems that come with having a 19 month old and a 6 & 7 year old, it gets frustrating. That's not to say that I don't enjoy homeschooling them, or having the opportunity to be with them all the time, I just don't know how to find the balance I need. Without that balance I know I'm not doing a good job. My husband tells me to take time for myself by going out alone, with friends, or going to the gym, but all I want to do is lay down and be left alone for an indefinite amount of time. But there are countless other women out there who handle things so much better than me, or maybe it just seems that way. I don't know. I better get back to the screaming tot and clean up the mess.